Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Duration: ten minutes
Location: Home, on floor on pillow, against the wall. Alone.
Today was quick. I liked this meditation. I thought about my friend Ian, Perry’s Autobody Shop appointment I told my baby I would set up when I talked to her yesterday. I thought, “I want to get on this right away so it can be over and done with.” It was just very matter of fact. Things on my mind that needed to get done right away.
I did have a realization during my meditation and that was when I take the time to be quiet with my mind, I start to remember all of the little things that happened either yesterday, this morning, a week ago, or even months ago. My memory gets clouded with a lot of things that I put in it through my readings, watching TV, listening to co-workers, my girlfriend, signs on the side of the road, and exposure to various things throughout the day. It’s not that I forget things, it’s that my mind gets clouded. And it’s by meditating I help clear my mind of the debris floating around in it to get to the essence of what needs to be done that day. The essence of the direction I need to go with regard to the core of my being. It’s hard to do that when debris is clouding the mind.
Monday, July 14, 2014
Duration: 10 minutes
Location: Home, on pillow on the floor, against the wall. By myself.
I sink in slowly. My hips are sore from sitting in the cross legged position. I need to stretch out today, I say in my head. I am tight and I wonder why. (After the meditation I realize its because of my run from yesterday). I say to myself, GOD come closer to me. I want you closer. I repeat this in my head several times as I do my best to focus on just the breathing. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. I definitely want that deep nourishment from this session today and am looking for it. That satisfying fulfillment on a spiritual level. The level that only I and my creator can give to me through my efforts of getting in touch and his/her efforts through receiving my call and then returning the favor. The favor being the guidance needed to live my life the best way possible and to live according to what I was meant to do with the gifts I’ve been given. “I want to read Mind of God,” I say. These aren’t my thoughts though, so I’ll read it afterwards so I won’t confuse them with my own. I want to get in touch with mine first before I become clouded with the thoughts and opinions of another.
My baby and I are coming together as one. We have broken each other down to the core and I feel at this point we are starting to grow together from the same spot. Our experiences together are just ours.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
Duration: 15 minutes
Location: Gym hardwood floor, against mirror in the group classroom
Today’s session was present. At one point I felt a wave ooze over the top of my brain as I sank deeper into the meditation. As this happened, it felt as though a hand was sifting through the middle of my hair, parting it for me. I heard the noises of the people doing their exercises next to me. The sound of a machine weight slamming down as someone releases the cable quickly exhausted from fatigue; at least that’s what I suspect. “Man, that weight slamming down was loud, it startled me,” I thought to myself. The people doing exercises in the same room as me feel like they’re right up on me. They aren’t, but I can’t help noticing my ear sensitivity picking up every little sound as I do my meditation longer.
One thing I notice about my meditations is how present I become. As I work through my thoughts that could be a mix of what happened yesterday or what I currently listened to on the radio that morning before I started meditating, they start to dissipate. I don’t know where they go, it’s as if they dissipate into thin air. It’s as if whatever worries I had going on the day before or that morning are worked through and I’m now completely present to deal with what’s in front of me from that session on. It’s interesting.
When you speak I listen
I want you near me
When I hold you it’s as if I’m on top of the world
When I touch you I love your delicate skin
When I kiss your lips they taste so sweet
When you laugh I love to hear it
When you smile….. ahhhh, how sweet it is
I can’t take my mind off of you
If I haven’t spoken to you for hours it feels like days
You’re the one I cherish
The one I love
I love you
Tuesday, July 8, 2014
Duration: 10 minutes
Location: On pillow, on floor.
Today’s session was sad. Not at first, but towards the end. Feelings of sadness for the way others have tried to help me and I haven’t let them. My dad for not letting him help me out for my personal training business. And for not taking the time to ask more clarifying questions as to what he gets out of helping me. Why does he want to so badly? For not giving Priya the tools necessary to help me out more when she wanted to. For not acknowledging every time she helped. I hurt my baby and I hate it when I do this. This seems to be a reccurring theme and how many times can hurt be done before it can no longer be undone?
A few days ago a thought crossed my mind about these journal writings. They served their purpose for quite sometime, but all of a sudden they seem martyr like. That if I write them and don’t share them then what’s the point. These personal writings are my innermost thoughts and these thoughts I want to share. I want to share them with my baby. I want her to know that I’m scared at just how much she really means to me. That today when I looked around, things didn’t seem right. It felt like forever today when I didn’t speak to her and it was only three o’clock. I still had the whole day ahead of me. I want her to be near me.
Tuesday, July 2, 2014
Duration: 15 minutes
Today’s meditation didn’t feel like it went that deep. It was fast though. Initially in the beginning it felt slow and I opened my eyes due to boredom. But then I closed them again and started to focus on my breath and before I knew it the Chimes alarm was going off. I asked myself what tape was playing in the background that I wasn’t aware of. I always like to be aware of this because it helps me in my decision making. By bringing this information to the forefront of my mind I can actively make decisions on it. One thing that came to mind was my girlfriend’s priority list. This list is important for her to create and she keeps avoiding it like the plague. It bothers me. I realized that today because of my meditation. I also asked to get closer to GOD but that thought quickly faded after I initiated it.
Friday, June 27, 2014
Duration: 15 minutes
Location: shopping plaza parking lot curb, under tree
Today’s meditation was tough. I couldn’t focus because I was distracted. Distracted by the fitness orientation I needed to set up with my aunt on either Monday or Tuesday. I wanted to get closer to GOD too. I said a prayer for him to come closer and for Priya and I to find peace not only within ourselves, but with each other. Not in a way that says we live in turmoil on a regular basis, but in a way to work ourselves through the emotional strife of the moment into a place of serenity. I needed to get in touch with him so I could better be in tune with myself as well.
In a way I felt like today’s session wasn’t about getting in tune with myself though because I was already very aware of what I needed to do to move forward and how to go about it. My focus was there and I needed to start re-reading my NASM book to gain a deeper understanding on the body. I’m forgetting details and I can see it during my fitness orientations. My clients don’t notice, but I do and that little detail can be the difference between a sale and no sale.
I think today’s session was more about pushing through when I find ways to not do something by doing things less important than what’s on the top of my priority list. The fifteen minutes was long and I even opened my eyes frustrated 7 minutes into it. Frustrated that I wasn’t delving deep enough in such a quick fashion like I had been doing over the last week. Today was different. It was hard for the first time. My patience had warn thin. I had things to do and I didn’t want to take the time for it. I think holding to this even when I didn’t want to was an action that helped me improve on my follow through. This in and of itself is a victory.