His Meditations: Traveling Thoughts

Wednesday, August 6, 2014
8:45 a.m.
Duration: 15 minutes
Location: Living room floor on a pillow cross legged, perpendicular to my lady

A few things happened during my meditation today.  One being that I saw where my self-deception or getting in my own way if you will, was happening on a regular basis.  Instead of taking action on something I would think about it and then give myself the impression I did something about what was on my mind when in actuality I didn’t.  It’s very sly on my part to engage in this kind of self-sabotage.

Give my baby the wisdom to understand and get through this anger she feels towards M at work.   Give her the strength to work through it and if there is a lesson, let the lesson be learned; then let the situation be put behind her forever;”   I prayed.   I sat on that thought for what seemed like awhile, but I never know just how much time a while is during meditation.  I get caught up in the moment and I’m just there experiencing the meditation.

I say to myself, “A sandwich from Sellands sounds good.  Maybe I’ll get one for lunch today.  Yeah, that sounds good. That thought was something that started a couple of days ago and still just hangs out in the background.   It then expanded into: “Or better yet, Priya and I can go have a dinner for two.  We never did that when I was working there.”

As a quick roundup and not to minimize what had happened during this session by phrasing my summary the way I did, I touched on a lesson, the present, and the future all in one sitting.   The lesson being one that is applicable right away in that instead of constantly thinking about doing something just do it.  This really isn’t so much a lesson as much as its a reminder that self-sabotage can come in many different forms.  It’ll find ways to keep you from being your best.   I partly attribute this to lack of focus.   My focus needs to be even better than it is.  The focus will make it harder for the self-sabotage to creep in because I’ll be more organized.  Less brain clutter means less places for self-sabotage to snoop around and hide amongst it all.

The present being my baby having a hard time at work.  She’s frustrated and I want to see her get through this quickly.  Anger unfortunately has its own time of deciding when to leave depending on just how deep that level of anger is, but hopefully this prayer will help her and she can move on.   And lastly the future, the future in a few hours, but nonetheless the future.   A Sellands sandwich sounds good.  Particularly the Tuna sandwich toasted. Mmmmmmm.

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His Meditations: Clearing the Debris.

Tuesday July 29, 2014
8:40 a.m.
Duration: 10 minutes
Location:  Backyard patio chair

A lot of thoughts were circling in my head this morning.  It felt good to stretch out my hips.  This anterior pelvic issue is going to be solved so I can have flat lower abs.   As I breathe in I think about Facebook. “Priya was real calm and content this morning before work,” I said to myself.  It was real nice to see.  She had a peace about her that was impossible to ignore.

I had other thoughts this morning but I can’t recall what they are anymore.   If there is one thing I’ve noticed about meditating it’s that I look forward to doing it.   Meditating helps with focus, inner awareness, making sense of swirling thoughts in my head (clearing the debris), trimming the fat of thoughts and getting to the heart of them, then in turn making  decisions easier.   I really like that about this practice.

Her Meditations: Orange.

Sunday, June 20, 2014
11:21 a.m.
Duration: 15 minutes
Location: Patio, on the chairs.

Nick sets the timer and I close my eyes.  I see the red haze behind my eyelids, and a few floaters.  I’m snuggling into my coat…the breeze is cool and giving me goosebumps.  I’m facing southeast.  I raise my face and see the haze turn into orange and then a golden yellow as my head lifts higher towards the sun.  I adjust my head’s tilt until I achieve the perfect orange glow.

And now, against that perfect orange, I see Ganesh.  The floaters have arranged themselves into Ganesh.  I see him, just his eyes and the line of his trunk, as though he is sitting inches from my face.  He brings me peace as he sits there.  I watch him, expecting the floaters to rearrange themselves as they frequently do, but they stay, and he stays.  I say, “Ganesha.”  And I think of Thatha.  And I think of him praying to Ganesh every morning, and his is the name he invokes when he’s in pain, or getting up, or praying… I search for the phrasing he would use…and I can’t think of it.  Ganesha, Venkateshwara, Ganappati, what was the phrase he used?  I need to know it.  I will ask Mummy when I am done meditating.

Ganesha.  You have come to me when I look for peace.  You were my Thatha’s favorite god.  You are mine as well.  I haven’t thought of you very much lately.  And I’m not sure why, since you are the bringer of peace, the remover of obstacles.

You change in the orange haze.  Your right eye gets closer, your trunk shifts as though you are moving it, you blink.  I hear the wind chimes in breeze, I hear the mourning doves, I hear the breeze in the trees.  You stay, you move.

I see you.

Her Meditations: Begin.

Sunday, June 15, 2014
12:15pm
Duration: 10 minutes
Position: Seated lotus style on ottoman, Nick on pillow, floor.

Nick instructs me to sit tall, hold a good posture, close my eyes, and concentrate on my breathing.  I grumble a bit, annoyed because I feel he is forcing me to meditate, annoyed because we are going to be late to lunch with his family, and annoyed in general. I also wanted to paint my nails and now won’t have time.

I close my eyes, take a couple of deep breaths, straighten my back, relax into my pose.

Listen to the sounds coming in from the open window: the children playing in the garden next door, the neighbor on the other side talking in Hindi on his speakerphone in the backyard, the birds, the breeze in the trees, a distant leaf blower.

Then I hear Nick breathe in and out, slowly, deliberately, loudly.  I’m annoyed by it, and say something.  He tells me to be quiet and continue.

I listen to his breathing some more, then my mind wanders.

I start breathing slow and deep, and I pull my mind back to my breath.  I think about my posture, notice I’m slumping, and straighten my back.

I breathe.

I listen to the breeze in the trees.

I see water, cool water.  I see a lake, a boat on a lake, I see a cruise ship.

I breathe in, out.

I think about the Disney cruise trip I promised Anjali for her tenth birthday.  How do I pay for it?

Deep breath in, out.

I can save.

Breathe in, out.

So if I saved 10% of my income, that’s let’s say, $1,000 per month.

$500 per paycheck.  $250 every week.  That’s $50 per day.  That’s a lot.

Breathe in, out.

Wait, that’s assuming the work week, five days.  Split it over seven days in the week.  That works out to approximately $35 per day.

Okay.  I can do that.  I can save $35 per day.

Deep breath in, out.

I will talk to my payroll guy and set that up starting with the first paycheck in July.

Breathe in, out.

That wasn’t so hard.

The alarm goes off on Nick’s phone.  Ten minutes are up.

That was fast.  I open my eyes.

I look at him looking at me.  He asks me how it went.  I tell him to wait a minute, I close my eyes to gather my thoughts, to solidify my plan of action.

I open my eyes.

And smile at him.

I’m no longer annoyed.

His Meditations: Silence

Sunday, June 15, 2014
12:15pm
Duration: 10 minutes
Position: Seated on pillow, floor, Priya on ottoman.

I meditate with my girlfriend for the first time.  I normally do this alone, but she needs this right now.  Her annoyance is getting the best of her and she just needs to check back in with herself.   We set up shop, her on the ottoman and me on the floor sitting on a big pillow cross legged with another pillow underneath my ankles to comfort them from the hard tile floor.   The last time I meditated without this small pillow, all I could concentrate on after awhile was the uncomfortable pressure of my ankle bone digging into the floor.   Not exactly what I had in mind when I started meditating, but hey, I was completely present.

This was exactly what I needed as well.  A little introspection is never a bad thing.   As I meditated it took me a second to get situated.   I noticed the sound of washing machine and the birds outside since the window was open.  I wished Priya a good session and prayed that she would find peace.  She needed it.  She was harboring so much anger and pain.  It was tainting our interactions together; and I wasn’t handling it that well either.   I needed the meditation as much as she did.  I wanted to see what tape was running in the background of my mind.

I sat there and continued to wish her peace.  It felt a little ridiculous doing this as my idea of meditation was to get in touch with myself, but ironically this was still about me.  Her happiness was my happiness and if she’s not happy I’m not happy.

I sit and the washing machine starts to get louder.   The washing machine is actually very quiet but during this time I want complete silence.  The washing machine spins the clothes for a little bit and then stops briefly; “ahhhh, silence.”  Silence fells so good to the soul.  The sound of the wind blowing through the trees is so much better than a “whoosh, whoosh, whoosh.”   The washing machine starts to spins again.  “God that washing machine is annoying.   Why can’t I just have silence?  Perhaps my yearning for silence was an indication of the noise that was going on inside that I was refusing to clean up.