Wednesday, August 6, 2014
8:45 a.m.
Duration: 15 minutes
Location: Living room floor on a pillow cross legged, perpendicular to my lady

A few things happened during my meditation today.  One being that I saw where my self-deception or getting in my own way if you will, was happening on a regular basis.  Instead of taking action on something I would think about it and then give myself the impression I did something about what was on my mind when in actuality I didn’t.  It’s very sly on my part to engage in this kind of self-sabotage.

Give my baby the wisdom to understand and get through this anger she feels towards M at work.   Give her the strength to work through it and if there is a lesson, let the lesson be learned; then let the situation be put behind her forever;”   I prayed.   I sat on that thought for what seemed like awhile, but I never know just how much time a while is during meditation.  I get caught up in the moment and I’m just there experiencing the meditation.

I say to myself, “A sandwich from Sellands sounds good.  Maybe I’ll get one for lunch today.  Yeah, that sounds good. That thought was something that started a couple of days ago and still just hangs out in the background.   It then expanded into: “Or better yet, Priya and I can go have a dinner for two.  We never did that when I was working there.”

As a quick roundup and not to minimize what had happened during this session by phrasing my summary the way I did, I touched on a lesson, the present, and the future all in one sitting.   The lesson being one that is applicable right away in that instead of constantly thinking about doing something just do it.  This really isn’t so much a lesson as much as its a reminder that self-sabotage can come in many different forms.  It’ll find ways to keep you from being your best.   I partly attribute this to lack of focus.   My focus needs to be even better than it is.  The focus will make it harder for the self-sabotage to creep in because I’ll be more organized.  Less brain clutter means less places for self-sabotage to snoop around and hide amongst it all.

The present being my baby having a hard time at work.  She’s frustrated and I want to see her get through this quickly.  Anger unfortunately has its own time of deciding when to leave depending on just how deep that level of anger is, but hopefully this prayer will help her and she can move on.   And lastly the future, the future in a few hours, but nonetheless the future.   A Sellands sandwich sounds good.  Particularly the Tuna sandwich toasted. Mmmmmmm.