His Meditations: Being Present.

Wednesday, July 9, 2014
6:34 a.m.
Duration: 15 minutes
Location: Gym hardwood floor, against mirror in the group classroom

Today’s session was present.   At one point I felt a wave ooze over the top of my brain as I sank deeper into the meditation.  As this happened, it felt as though a hand was sifting through the middle of my hair, parting it for me.   I heard the noises of the people doing their exercises next to me.  The sound of a machine weight slamming down as someone releases the cable quickly exhausted from fatigue; at least that’s what I suspect.  “Man, that weight slamming down was loud, it startled me,” I thought to myself.  The people doing exercises in the same room as me feel like they’re right up on me.  They aren’t, but I can’t help noticing my ear sensitivity picking up every little sound as I do my meditation longer.

One thing I notice about my meditations is how present I become.   As I work through my thoughts that could be a mix of what happened yesterday or what I currently listened to on the radio that morning before I started meditating, they start to dissipate.   I don’t know where they go, it’s as if they dissipate into thin air.   It’s as if whatever worries I had going on the day before or that morning are worked through and I’m now completely present to deal with what’s in front of me from that session on.  It’s interesting.

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His Poetry: She

When you speak I listen
I want you near me
When I hold you it’s as if I’m on top of the world
When I touch you I love your delicate skin
When I kiss your lips they taste so sweet
When you laugh I love to hear it
When you smile….. ahhhh, how sweet it is
I can’t take my mind off of you
If I haven’t spoken to you for hours it feels like days
You’re the one I cherish
The one I love
I love you

His Meditations: Sadness.

Tuesday, July 8, 2014
10:38 p.m.
Duration: 10 minutes
Location: On pillow, on floor.

Today’s session was sad.  Not at first, but towards the end.  Feelings of sadness for the way others have tried to help me and I haven’t let them.  My dad for not letting him help me out for my personal training business. And for not taking the time to ask more clarifying questions as to what he gets out of helping me.  Why does he want to so badly?  For not giving Priya the tools necessary to help me out more when she wanted to.  For not acknowledging every time she helped.   I hurt my baby and I hate it when I do this.  This seems to be a reccurring theme and how many times can hurt be done before it can no longer be undone?

A few days ago a thought crossed my mind about these journal writings.   They served their purpose for quite sometime, but all of a sudden they seem martyr like.  That if I write them and don’t share them then what’s the point.   These personal writings are my innermost thoughts and these thoughts I want to share.  I want to share them with my baby.  I want her to know that I’m scared at just how much she really means to me.   That today when I looked around, things didn’t seem right.  It felt like forever today when I didn’t speak to her and it was only three o’clock.   I still had the whole day ahead of me.   I want her to be near me.

 

His Meditations: Lists

Tuesday, July 2, 2014
10:03 a.m.
Duration: 15 minutes

Today’s meditation didn’t feel like it went that deep.  It was fast though.  Initially in the beginning it felt slow and I opened my eyes due to boredom.  But then I closed them again and started to focus on my breath and before I knew it the Chimes alarm was going off.  I asked myself what tape was playing in the background that I wasn’t aware of.  I always like to be aware of this because it helps me in my decision making.  By bringing this information to the forefront of my mind I can actively make decisions on it.  One thing that came to mind was my girlfriend’s priority list.  This list is important for her to create and she keeps avoiding it like the plague.   It bothers me.   I realized that today because of my meditation.  I also asked to get closer to GOD but that thought quickly faded after I initiated it.