Her Meditations: Overwhelmed.

Wednesday, July 16, 2014
8:50 a.m.
Duration: 10 minutes
Location: On ottoman, feet on floor, hands clasped in front.  Nick on floor, no pillow.

My brain is going a mile a minute.  I can’t gather my thoughts to focus at all.  I am overwhelmed.  I try to breathe, to focus on breathing, and then I am captured by the thoughts.  It is like wrestling with a wild animal, trying to take back control.

I hear the neighbor’s air conditioner humming in the background.  I try to focus on that, but thoughts of money, and tasks, and conversations are fighting for control in my head.
Anjali’s party is coming up.  I have to get her mirror and dresser knobs, and pay for half the party, order the cake.
I have to pay $1000 for classes within the month.
$400 to Terrie for the website.
$700 to Ryann for childcare.
$350 to Perry for repair and paint on the car.
School supplies.
New clothes for Nik, since he’s outgrown everything he has.
The trip to the coast.
Clearing out the garage.
Clearing out the kids’ supply cabinets in the kitchen.
The response email to the school regarding my concerns with Nik’s IEP.
Nick’s desire to get closer and create shared goals.
His stated goal of buying a house together in a couple years.

I am overwhelmed.  I am scared.  I am overwhelmed.

I can’t breathe.

A ding from my phone.  My kids are texting me.

I move slightly.

The chimes go off.

I open my eyes to see Nick looking at me.